


Goldmine

by bzx93



Category: Block B
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-02 11:12:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5246165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bzx93/pseuds/bzx93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I've been lookin' pretty hard, but I come up empty. I've been thinkin' that the only one for you is me..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a song of the same name by an artist called Kilo Kish.

                The city streets were vibrant and alive with the comings and goings of its deeply chilled citizens who tugged their heavy winter coats closer to their bodies with each slight breeze. Street vendors announced in great, projecting voices their inventories and special fares with relentless vigor. Jihoon’s cropped, pale, flaxen hair bristled lightly in the wind under the cover of his wool beanie as he kept an unhurried, leisurely pace throw the crowds. Tucked snugly in his thick coat was a tiny Labrador puppy with light yellow fur whose head stuck out just above the top button. Around its neck a delicate, red ribbon was tied with the note “To Hyewon:  Merry Christmas ~ Will you give me a pretty name?”

                Following the familiar streets he had been down so many times before, Jihoon soon came upon a gated apartment community. His gloved hand keyed in the entrance code just beside the glass door and then quickly made his way to the shiny, metal elevator door, pressing the button with an arrow pointing towards the ceiling. A fleeting ride up to the 15th floor later, he knocked three crisp, clear times on one of the many dark brown doors that lined the hallway. Not more than ten seconds passed when the handle turned and the door flew open, revealing a slender, beaming young woman. She wore a beanie identical to Jihoon’s, her raven-colored hair spilling over her shoulders and down her back.

                Wearing plain pink silk pajamas, she began jumping up and down ecstatically the moment her bright, brown eyes caught sight of the puppy.

                “Aw, what is this? A puppy?!” She squealed, taking the animal out of Jihoon’s coat and holding it firmly to her chest.

                “Look at the note,” Jihoon chuckled as he pointed at the puppy’s red ribbon. The girl’s eyes darted back and forth gingerly, then looked back up at Jihoon, brimming with tears.

                “Lily… I wanna name it Lilly.”

                “But it’s a boy!”

                “It said to give it a pretty name! It didn’t say whether or not it had to be a boy’s or a girl’s name.” Jihoon began to protest, but Hyewon gave a quick shake of her head.

                “Nuh-uh, can’t do anything about it, silly. Didn’t think about that, did ya?” A smile broke onto Jihoon’s face before he could even give a reply.

                “Fine, fine, his name is Lily. C’mon let’s get in, it’s cold.” Closing the door behind them, Jihoon shrugged off his coat and hung it on the small hanger sitting on the wall. He came up behind Hyewon and wrapped his arms around her waist, hoisting her up and carrying her over to the large brown couch in the living room where he fell down on its soft cushions with her and Lily. Her soft giggles fell on Jihoon’s ear with a hint of a melody that sent his heart racing. Lily tumbled out of Hyewon’s arms and trotted his way over to the edge of the edge of the couch where he decided to rest his tiny body.

                Sweetly, Jihoon left kisses on Hyewon’s ear and jaw, his fingers buried deep in her hair. With a playful shove, Hyewon pushed him away and sat up against the back of the couch.

                “Aren’t you gonna see your friends later?” questioned Hyewon, tucking her hair behind her ears.

With a noncommittal shake of his head, Jihoon answered,

                “Eh, maybe. I think so, but I kind of wanted to stay here… With you…”

                “That’s sweet… I think you should see them though…”

                “Really?”

                “Of course not!” Hyewon’s laughter filled the room as she clutched her sides.

                “They’re—" she paused a moment to catch her breath, “They’re all going to be with their families anyway on Christmas, duh! I can’t believe you would leave me on a day like today.” Her grin as she spoke conveyed that she wasn’t serious about being offended, much to Jihoon’s relief.

                “Wouldn’t dream of it. Merry Christmas,” whispered Jihoon as he pulled her in for another kiss.

X

                Light from the television screen danced across Jihoon and Hyewon’s faces as they lay back, halfheartedly watching a formulaic family holiday film. Hyewon’s back rested against Jihoon’s chest that rose and fell gently with each breath he took. His left hand was loosely clasped with hers, his right hand toying with his phone. He was thankful to not have so many SNS accounts like the other members, otherwise his phone would have been constantly bombarded with holiday wishes from their myriad of fans. He loved and appreciated them, but the constant notifications of most SNS just drove him up the wall. The idea of setting up a private account crossed his mind in the past, but an army of detectives seemed to be lurking within their fans’ numbers and he knew that he would have been found out at one point.

                After checking the weather forecast for the third time in a row, a kakao message popped up on his screen:

_Taeilie Hyung: Merry Christmas. Did you have fun?_

                Jihoon tapped on the message, opening the application.

_Me: Yeah. I didn’t do anything special really. Bought Hyewon a puppy. It’s a boy, but she named him Lily…_

_Taeilie Hyung: A puppy…_

_Me: Was that a bad gift to give her?_

_Taeilie Hyung: What? No, no. A puppy is good._

_Me: That’s what I was hoping. She seemed to like him a lot._

_Taeilie Hyung: I see._

_Me: What about you? You with family?_

_Taeilie Hyung: Mhmm. Watching a movie._

_Me: Us too! Which one?_

_Taeilie Hyung: Um… That one where the man turns into Santa Claus after he accidentally knocks him off his roof._

_Me: Hey, are you stalking me? We’re watching that too, haha._

_Taeilie Hyung: Idiot, what are you saying..._

_Me: Nothing ~ I’m going to go now. Merry Christmas, hyung._

_Taeilie Hyung: Okay, Merry Christmas._

Locking the screen, Jihoon tossed his phone to the side and tightened his embrace around Hyewon’s body. A comedic scene was taking place on screen that sent Hyewon into a booming fit of laughter, but Jihoon’s face remained in a somewhat neutral state. Something about his conversation with Taeil seemed off, and he couldn’t quite shake that feeling even as the night went on.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The fall is so much faster than you and I could ever climb."

                Expelling a deep breath, Jihoon rubbed lazily at the sleep that kept his eyelids heavy. Twilight was fading and giving way to a new day with the sun’s soft, golden haze illuminating the bedroom. Hyewon, who was still fast asleep, hardly stirred as Jihoon turned onto his side to reach for his phone sitting atop the small dresser beside their bed.

                “Still nothing, huh,” he mumbled to himself, pouting a little. Setting the phone down, he stared up at the ceiling with a blank expression. Confusion drew his eyebrows together while he folded his arms neatly across his chest. Inhale. Exhale. An idea? ‘ _Still nothing’._ It was nothing and also something. It was the faintest echo in the back of his mind that always seemed to vanish the moment he tried to take a closer listen. Combing his fingers back through his hair, Jihoon voiced his frustration as he got up out of bed.

                The day after Christmas wasn’t necessarily the busiest time of year for a lot of people; the initial waves of holiday cheer were subsiding and there wasn’t much else to look forward to except for New Year’s Day. Jihoon went through the motions of his usual morning routine, letting his mind wander in the meantime. He wondered about where Lily had gone off to, whether or not he had made a mess somewhere, or if he even _was_ a good gift for Hyewon. No one could doubt the pure joy that light up her face when she saw the little puppy.

                The more he mulled over it, the more puzzled he became. His conversation with Taeil the night before hadn’t been sitting all that well with him ever since it ended, and he felt that this ‘something’ he couldn’t quite place his finger on earlier this morning was starting to become more tangible. As Jihoon came to the end of patting his face dry when he had finished washing it, he slipped into the bedroom to get his phone, then headed into the kitchen to get breakfast ready.

                Uneasiness creeped in to the edges of his heart as the day went on, and Hyewon took note of it almost immediately. The couple chose to pass the time in the comfort of their apartment, marathoning movie after movie while huddled up against each other. Hyewon found herself having to repeat things when her words fell upon Jihoon’s inattentive ears and it even got to the point where she had to use her hands to shake him from his stupor to keep him from spilling the hot cocoa he held precariously in his hands.

                Unable to bear it a minute longer, Hyewon shut the television off and turned herself so that she could look Jihoon directly in his eyes. She reached out and placed her cool, smooth hand on his leg with evident concern.

                “Hey… Hey look at me. What’s wrong?” Jihoon met her gaze, then shook his head.

                “Nothing… It’s nothing.”

                “’It’s’ nothing? What is ‘it’?”

                “Exactly that. Nothing.” Hyewon’s soft, pink lips turned downward into an obvious frown.

                “Jihoon, you’ve got to talk to me. We’ve been together for too long for you to be acting secretive like this… You know you can tell me anything.” Silence fell between them for what felt like eons to Hyewon. Jihoon set down the mug of cocoa in his hands on the coffee table just in front of the couch and closed his eyes for a few seconds. Opening them, they were downcast and remained so even as he spoke.

                “I’m telling you, it’s nothing.”

                “Then look me in eye and tell me that.”

                “Hyewon—“ She took his face into both of her hands and raised to up to hers, her eyes darting from side to side while she stared at him, as if she was trying to find what it was that he had locked away in his mind.  

                “What is it?” She pressed, brushing her thumb along his cheek.

                “Nothing.”

                “Please don’t lie to me…”

                “I’m not.”

                “Do you love me?”

                _‘Where did that come from?’_

Hyewon uttered her question a second time, still stroking his cheek.

                “Do you love me?”

                “Why are you asking me that now?”

                “If you loved me, you wouldn’t lie to me. So I’m asking you, do you love me?”

                Instead of mustering up an answer, Jihoon pulled Hyewon to him and brought their mouths together in a burst of passion, catching her completely off guard. She barely returned his kiss and pushed him away, angry and deeply confused.

                “I need you to answer me, and I need an answer now. Jihoon, do you love me?”

                “Hyewon, I don’t know.” Hyewon’s world seemed to have been instantaneously drained of its oxygen and flung into the sun.

                “You don’t know?! How can you say that?”

                “God, no, listen, I do, I just have something that’s been on my mind and I can’t concentrate right now.”

                “So it is something! Why did you lie?”

                “I didn’t feel like talking about it!”

                “Well, we are now!”

                “Can we do this later?”

                “No!”

                “Hyewon, even _I_ don’t know exactly what’s bothering me, okay. I just know that I don’t want to talk about it right now and that I just need some time to figure things out.”

                “Why… Why couldn’t you have said that before…?”

                “You would have hounded me to try to figure it out with you and I don’t want to do that!” Taken aback, Hyewon tilted her head and scratched the top of it lightly.

                “You don’t want to talk me about it?”

                “Not really.”

                “Okay. Um, that’s cool. That’s—Alright, okay. Okay.” Rising up from the couch, she took Jihoon’s mug and walked into the kitchen, dropping it into the sink with a loud metallic _clang_.

                “Are you mad at me now, Hyewon?”

                “I’m just… We always talk about things together, ya know. If something’s bothering one of us, we’d talk about it.”

                “This is something I really don’t want to discuss right now, though. Can’t you grant me that freedom?”

                “I guess I can. Maybe that’s not even what’s pissing me off.”

                “What?”

                “The fact that you answered me with ‘Hyewon, I don’t know’ when I asked you if you loved me is throwing up a major red flag, Jihoon.”

                “You’re really stuck on that?” He asked, incredulous. Hyewon exploded, eyes widening beneath her raised eyebrows.

                “Did you really just ask me that?! You know what, Jihoon, get out.”

                “Wha—“

                “Get out.”

                “Hyewon!”

                “Out! Now!”

                Rather than risking another outburst, Jihoon stormed into the bedroom and dressed himself with as much speed as his body allowed him, stuck his phone and wallet into his back pocket, and left.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And I see the things I always knew, but wasn't sure until now."

                Snowflakes whipped about Jihoon while he carried on toward to entrance gates of the metro just blocks away from the apartment complex. It had been terribly cold since the end of October, yet only now it began to snow, which struck him as nothing short of strange. Never minding that anomaly, he pulled the beanie he had thrown on in his rush out the door farther down his head, almost completely hiding his short, blond hair.

                A small, metal gate swung forward after he tapped his metro card to the square, green pad, granting him access to the gargantuan metro station. With a pained sigh, he took out his phone and tapped one of his contacts’ icons, putting them on speed dial. He heard a click on the other end, then the sound of a familiar voice.

                “Hello?”

                “Jiho?”

                “Yeah, Jihoon? What’s up?”

                “I need to talk to you.”

                “You okay, man? Do you need me to come get you?”

                “No, I’m at the metro station, I’m coming over.”

                “Ah, really? I gotta fix some stuff first.”

                “It’s not a big deal, I’m a half hour away anyway.”

                “Alright. What happened…?”

                “I’ll tell you when I get there.”

                Just as he ended the call, his train pulled into the station and parted its doors to let arriving and departing patrons to be on their way.

X

                “You want some coffee or something?” Jiho asked worriedly.

                “Thanks, but no.” Removing his beanie, Jihoon dropped down onto a burgundy, cushioned chair in the corner of his friend’s study and cleared his throat.

                “Hyewon and I had a fight. And it’s my fault.”

                “A fight?”

                Jihoon nodded shamefully.

                “What… What happened?”

                “She kept bugging me to tell her what’d been bothering me, and I just did not feel like it, so I kept telling her that it was nothing. She took my face and made me look at her and asked me if I loved her. I thought that was a really odd thing to ask, so I was confused.”

                “What’d you say?”

                “I didn’t answer her at first. So she asked me again, and I panicked. I tried to kiss her, thinking it would distract her, but I only ended up making her mad. She asked again, and I told her that… That I didn’t know.” A brief look of disbelief came onto Jiho’s face, accompanied by a contemplative sigh.

                “Wow.”

                “Yeah. I tried to backtrack and blame it on me being fed up with her questions, but she wasn’t having it. She told me to leave… At that point I wanted to try and calm her down, but, well, here I am.” About thirty seconds trickled by while Jiho made his best effort to put everything that his friend had disclosed to him into perspective.

                “So she asked you that… And you said that you didn’t know.” Jihoon gave an affirming nod of his head.

                “Let’s take it back a little, lemme ask you something else. What is this ‘thing’ that’s been bugging you? To me, that seems to be the root of this whole situation.” Jihoon shifted in his seat, crossing one of his legs over the other.

                “Last night, we were watching this Christmas movie on t.v. when I got a message from Taeil. He was just asking me if I had fun and I told him yeah but we didn’t do a lot. I told him that I bought Hyewon a puppy, and he replies with ‘A puppy…’ What’s that supposed to mean?”

                “I’m gonna be totally honest with you, I’d say he was jealous.”

                “Jealous? Why?”

                “Think about it. Ever since you first started dating that girl Jenna a while back, didn’t you notice how he would kind of draw back from everything?”

                “I just thought he was really stressed out from being busy, or whatever he would say every time… Jenna… Came around…”

                “And don’t you remember how he was _completely_ silent that night you first told us about Hyewon?”

                “He said he was tired!” Jiho promptly folded his arms cocked his head to the side.

                “Are you kidding me right now?”

                “Am I missing something here?”

                “Everything! You’re missing everything, Jihoon. Think.”

                “About?”

                “Ask yourself why you said what you did to Hyewon. Listen, I’ve got all day, if you don’t want to talk to her about this, talk to me.” Letting his eyes close, Jihoon pressed his fingers to his temples and bit down on his lower lip. His heart was hammering behind his ribs almost as if it were trying to escape.

                “Jiho, I really care about her. I feel like the worst human being on the planet because I’m the reason that she’s hurting. I’m the reason she’s probably crying right now.” His eyes opened, not focused on any specific thing.

                “She’s been by my side every single day… She’s been nothing but good to me. But I don’t love her.” There it was. Clarity. An epiphany. Progress. Then, more uncertainty.

                “Taeil… We—We… It wouldn’t have worked.”

                “What wouldn’t have worked?”

                _‘Shit.’_ If there were a way to retrieve spoken words from someone’s memory, Jihoon would have given his life for it. What was supposed to remain unknown was now jeopardized and he wanted to disappear. Jiho leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, hands supporting his head as he stared hard at his friend.

                “Hey. Hey,” He kicked at Jihoon’s foot, “Talk to me. You can talk to me.”

                “No, I can’t.”

                “Yes you can. It’s just me, okay? I’ll listen to you, and I’ll help you. Please, let me help.” Jihoon’s voice wavered with his reply.

                “Fine… When I said that I was confused, I really meant that. I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust my feelings.”

                “What do you mean by that?”

                “You’ve got to promise me that what I tell you here will stay here. I’m begging you.”

                “You can trust me.”

                “Jiho, please, nobody else can know this.” Jihoon reiterated.

                “I’ll take it to the grave, Jihoon, I swear.” Jihoon knew that the next words that would leave his mouth would put him past the point of no return, but it didn’t matter, he’d already crossed that threshold moments before.

 


	4. Four

                The two men had migrated to a large, black couch in Jiho’s living room, each of them sitting on either end. A cozy, warm fire crackled in his small fireplace, tiny shadows flickering about the room. Jihoon reclined lazily against the arm rest with his long legs stretched out before him while Jiho had his feet planted to the ground, relaxing on the back cushions of the couch. So much time had passed since Jihoon had arrived that Jiho decided to let him spend the night, and he figured that his friend shouldn’t return to Hyewon in his current emotional state either.

                “Now what happened with Taeil?” Jiho questioned cautiously. After a brief pause, Jihoon resolved himself to essentially put his heart out on display.

                “Well, the first time I met you guys, he kind of stood out to me. I’d never known anyone that short,” he laughed lightly, “Nor had I known someone so… Attractive. I wanted to be around him a lot, you know, that kind of ‘attractive’. I liked it when he laughed at my terrible jokes and I liked it when he would ask for my help with things, even though he was so much older than me.

                I found myself making a habit of sneaking looks at him from the corner of my eye. I wasn’t very good at it, as I quickly learned every time my face would heat up and become as red as red could be when he caught me. I was scared that he would be freaked out, um, or think that I was some weird guy he’d have to be stuck with in the group. Instead, those moments when we caught sight of each other, h-he’d smile back at me or look down at his feet with the tips of his ears turning a little pink.

                I lived for those moments… I was kind of like they gave me the energy to make it through even the hardest days—Hey, don’t laugh! I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true!”

                “Sor—“gasped Jiho between chuckles, “Sorry, it sounds pretty bad, though.”

                “Yes, I know, but just listen. Anyway, it got to the point where we would start teasing each other… I’d poke him and scoot back just before he could shove me away, or he’d flick the back of my neck and let me look around like an idiot, trying to figure out who it was until the sound of his laughing would give him away.

                Somewhere in the midst of everything, we both crossed this line that was like separation between just, I guess, regular friendship and something else. Whenever we would all go out for karaoke, he and I always tried sitting beside each other so we could hold hands in the dark… It was exciting, being so close and almost getting caught. We’d do the same thing when we’d go eat a restaurant, our clasped hands hidden under the table.

                We were both too afraid of rumors starting, so he and I never went out alone. Then one day, during our vacation to Osaka, when we were all at that beach… God, I remember it like it happened just hours ago. It was nighttime and he and I were sitting on my beach towel, his hand right on top of mine. The rest of you guys were on your towels also, talking and stuff, which was nice because you weren’t paying the slightest attention to Taeil and I.

                I remember Taeil asked me if I liked him. Straight up, just like that. I told him ‘Yeah’, and that I had for a long time. He told me in a really hushed voice that he was so glad… And asked me if it would be okay if he could kiss me. It was so cute how shy he was, I thought my heart was going to burst. Again, I told him ‘Yeah’ and so we did. It wasn’t like the movies, no fireworks or electricity. It was a little strange, neither of us really knowing how to kiss, yet, it felt _right_.

                We were inseparable from then on… It seemed like we were stuck in this never-ending dream where everything was perfect and the more we saw each other, the harder it became to go our separate ways at the end of the day. That was until things got really serious. I felt like I was falling for him, and I was terrified of that. I wanted him more than anything. He was the first thing on my mind in the morning and my last fleeting thought at night.

                The more of myself that I gave to him, the greater my fear grew of losing myself, or even losing him. He meant the world to me, and if, somehow, someway, I didn’t have him anymore, I-I… I don’t know what I would do. That’s when I decided to distance myself and not risk it anymore. I met Jenna not long after and after that fizzled out and died, Hyewon came along… And now… Here I am.”

                “Alright… Wow…” Jiho murmured, mostly to himself. Again, I will not tell a soul. Now, let me ask you something… How do you feel about him?”

                Silence.

                “Jihoon.”

                “Hm?”

                “I asked you how you felt about him.” Jihoon regarded his friend with an expression that conveyed a heartbreakingly evident sense of fearful realization.

                “I’m... I'm in love with him...” The words hung in the air with a gravity so pressing that it rendered Jiho speechless for an entire minute, if not a few seconds more. Now, he had a much clearer idea of the turmoil that his friend was dealing with.

                “Come here.” Arms opened, Jiho welcomed Jihoon to him and held him reassuringly.

                “You’ve said it, it’s off your chest. Let’s take this one step at a time, okay?” The blond haired man moved his head up and down gently.

                “We’ve already taken a step forward, and I’m so proud of you. The next thing I want you to do is just breathe, cry, whatever, Jihoon. Whatever you need to do, do it. I won’t talk anymore. I’m here, so don’t worry.”

                Unbridled emotions burst out of Jihoon, unable to hold himself together another moment longer. A mess of tears and feelings, he buried his face into Jiho’s neck, thanking him endlessly.

 


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We must free up these tired souls before the sadness kills us both."

                By nightfall, Jihoon had fallen fast asleep on Jiho’s couch with the still burning fire. Crying for such a long period of time had stolen every ounce of strength from him and he soon found himself drifting off on Jiho’s shoulder. Jiho couldn’t help but feel a little pity for his friend; out of their group, he was always the one making a joke of everything and never taking himself too seriously. His carefreeness could have been a shield, hiding the pain he held inside.

                A quick shower and change of clothes later, Jiho climbed into his own bed and flicked on the television. He brushed back his tousled blond hair and jumped from channel to channel, not wholeheartedly invested in actually finding anything to watch. His mind was elsewhere, replaying his conversation with Jihoon over and over again like a broken record. Hours had passed since then and still disbelief clung to him. He wanted to help Jihoon, but he had no idea where to start. Could he call Taeil? No, it was probably best that he keep himself out of their business. He technically was already in it, but he didn’t want to jeopardize a friendship by being an unnecessary middleman.

                Jiho figured that the best thing he could do was continue to just be there for his friend. Sliding down to lie on his side, he pulled the sheets over his unclothed torso and let the barely audible voices emanating from the television guide him to sleep.

X

                Soft, timid poking at his shoulder woke Jiho and he turned over to see Jihoon kneeling at the side of his bed, his face one of slight embarrassment.

                “Hi, Jiho, I’m sorry for bothering you, but um, I don’t have any clothes to wear and… I kind of wanted to take a shower…” Jiho rubbed at his eyes and covered his mouth as he yawned.

                “Oh yeah, that’s fine, just grab something here and go ahead.”

                “Thanks—and thanks for last night too. I really appreciate it.”

                “No problem. Don’t forget, no matter what, I’m here.” Jihoon gave him a grateful smile, then left to search for something to throw on later.

                “What do you feel like eating this morning?” Jiho asked, getting up out of bed.

                “Is delivery cool?”           

                “Yeah, I don’t mind. McDonald’s?”

                “Sure.”

                “McDonald’s it is. Hey, are you gonna head to back to your place today?”

                “Am I that bad of a houseguest?” Grinning and shaking his head, Jiho clarified himself.

                “No, no, you can stay as long as you need to. I’m just asking about Hyewon. When do you think you’ll talk to her?”

                “Oh…” Jihoon’s voice trailed off at the thought. “I think I should. I can’t leave her in the dark.”

                “Alright. One step at a time.”

                “One step at a time,” echoed Jihoon.

X

                _Knock, knock, knock._

“Who is it?” wondered a feminine voice from behind a large, brown door, with light footsteps approaching.

                “Me.” The footsteps halted, kicking Jihoon’s heartbeat into overdrive.

                “Hyewon, please open the door. We have to talk.” She unlocked the door and swung it back reluctantly, avoiding eye contact as Jihoon stepped through the doorway. He felt a twinge of sadness in his chest as he noticed everything that he owned was neatly organized in three, medium sized cardboard boxes.

                Taking a seat on the edge of a whitewashed wooden chair in the living room, Jihoon brought his hand down his face, trying to find the best way to say what he needed to, even though he knew that there wasn’t one. Hyewon stood across the room from him, not bothering to take a seat of her own.

                “Hyewon, I’m sorry. What I told you yesterday hurt you, I know it did, and I deserve all of your anger, disappointment, anything. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just couldn’t keep lying to myself…”

                “About?” Although anger still lingered in her, true concern slipped through and softened her tone of voice.

                “I… I can’t—I don’t think I can tell you. I don’t think you’d understand.”

                “Oh, come on. I’m not a baby, Jihoon, I’m capable of figuring things out too.”

                “Fine, fine,” He closed his eyes, breathed in, then out. “I’m in love with someone else.” The initial shock from the day before lessened the blow of his words, but she couldn’t shake the intense jealousy and confusion.

                “You can’t even say that you love me, and here you are _in love_ with someone else.”

                “That’s because I never loved you.”

                “What…?”

                “Please don’t make me say it again.”

                “What do you mean? For an entire year, you never felt the same? Not once? This whole time, it was all an act?”

                “It wasn’t intentional, Hyewon, I really did like you, a lot. I thought that by being with you, it could help me forget them.”

                “You came into this relationship already having feelings for someone else? I was just a distraction for you…?”

                “You’re a great girl, amazing really—“

                “But not enough.”

                “No… I am so sorry, Hyewon. A thousand times over and from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.”

                “You can keep saying that, it’s not gonna change anything.”

                “I’m saying it so that I can live with myself.”

                “How unfortunate.”

                “I mean it. I regret putting you through this, I wish that I could have been a stronger person and confronted my feelings… I guess I’m more of an idiot than I thought.”

                “No kidding. I can’t believe you. I can’t believe that you would use me like that, Jihoon.”

                “It’s over then… Between us.”

                “It can’t be anything else, now.” she confirmed, her voice cracking.

                “…I’ll call Jiho then, so he can help me with all of this,” Jihoon gestured towards the boxes.

                “Better get on it,” Hyewon sighed as she looked up at the ceiling, her fingers wiping the corners of her eyes. Jihoon's fingers flew across his phone screen’s keyboard to shoot a text to his friend, then he gripped it tightly in his hand as a last ditch resort to keep his welling tears at bay. The lack of sound in the room was deafening and Jihoon prayed fervently for Jiho come knocking as quickly as he could. He expected the heaviness in his soul to dissipate, but it only weighed him down more that he had openly admitted his fault and it threatened to crush him as he watched Hyewon’s chin begin to quiver.


	6. Six

                As the days dragged on and blended into one another, memories of Hyewon began to lose their vibrancy and fade to brief, insignificant relics of the past. Jihoon quickly made a home of Jiho’s apartment, which turned out to be a lot more enjoyable than he had imagined it would be. Laughter flowed freely and often there, something that helped Jihoon’s mind fend off the remaining guilt and shame. He couldn’t change what he had done back then, and he decided that he would continue living day by day, regardless of what his future held. That is, until one evening just two days before New Year’s Eve.

                Once again, Jihoon was planted on a couch in front of a television, watching a film. This time, it was a Charlie Brown special that Jihoon had seen at least twenty times while Jiho was busy playing a game on his phone. He had been smiling to himself at the nostalgic humor when his phone buzzed atop his leg, its screen illuminated with a notification.

                **_Kakao Talk (1):_**

**** _Taeilie Hyung: Charlie Brown is on t.v._

_Me: Taeil, we’ve got to talk about this stalking thing. I think it’s getting serious._

_Taeilie Hyung: Haha, be quiet. I just got home and saw it was on, so I thought of you._

Jihoon swallowed hard.

      _Me: Yeah? Thanks…_

_Taeilie Hyung: What’s wrong?_

_Me: Nothing. I’m glad._

_Taeilie Hyung: Oh, okay. What are you going to do for New Year’s?_

_Me: I don’t know yet. What about you?_

_Taeilie Hyung: I wanted to go downtown on New Year’s Eve or something. I don’t know where exactly yet, but going downtown sounded nice._

_Me: It does._

_Taeilie Hyung: I was wondering if you wanted to come too._

His breath catching in his throat, Jihoon bit down on his lip, pleading that his ears hadn’t gotten red enough for Jiho to see.

       _Me: Me? Hm, I guess so. It would be fun._

_Taeilie Hyung: Really? Oh good. I was worried that you would say no._

_Me: Huh? Why?_

_Taeilie Hyung: I don’t know, I just thought that you might._

_Me: Don’t say stupid things like that, please._

_Taeilie Hyung: I’m sorry. It’s just that I haven’t seen you since Jaehyo’s birthday. I miss you._

Faking a cough, Jihoon turned himself a bit away from Jiho’s direct line of sight. His hands were trembling and he was more than sure that his face was the same color of his bright, crimson-colored bomber jacket. Fearing that he had overstepped his bounds, Taeil sent another message.

       _Taeilie Hyung: You don’t have to come if you’re not feeling up to it._

_Me: No, I’m coming._

_Taeilie Hyung: Okay. I’ll let you know later if I decided on a specific spot._

_Me: That sounds good._

_Taeilie Hyung: Talk to you later then._

_Me: Taeil._

_Taeilie Hyung: ?_

_Me: I didn’t mean to make you worried. I miss you too._

“Who’s that you’re talking to?” asked Jiho, out of nowhere, nearly causing Jihoon’s soul to jump from his body. He’d been so absorbed in his phone that he didn’t notice his friend sneak up behind him.

                “Ah, wha—who? Nobody? Yeah, nobody.”

                “Sure.”

                “I’m serious!”

                “Yeah, a seriously bad liar. I know that was Taeil.”

                “How do you know?” Jihoon quipped, trying to mask his embarrassment with anger.

                “I saw the name, you big dummy.” The older male went back to his original spot on the other end of the couch, resuming his game. “What’d he say?”

                “He wants to meet up for New Year’s.”

                “Oh, nice! I wasn’t sure about what to do this year so—“

                “With me.” Jiho raised his eyebrows.

                “Really?”

                “He wants to go downtown…”

                “Wow. You don’t look happy, though.” Jihoon stretched out his fingers, then brought them back in to make fists, resting them on his legs.

                “I’m nervous.”

                “That’s understandable. Do you want to hear my opinion?” Jihoon nodded eagerly.

                “I think… You should just go. You have the opportunity now to make things right.” Sighing, Jihoon stared down at his hands.

                “I want to. I will, but, I just don’t know what I should say.”

                “Don’t worry about that. If you worry too much it’ll just make you think that things are worse than they actually are. Just go, say ‘hi’ and, as clichéd as it sounds, go with the flow.”

X

1 a.m. and sleepiness still had yet to claim the two men. Wearing sleeping clothes, Jiho sat cross-legged in front of the television now, fervently raining bullets down at virtual enemies with one of his console’s controllers. Jihoon played the part of an avidly engaged spectator as he shouted in excitement each time that Jiho managed to make kill after kill. Jiho’s latest campaign had come to a close when Jihoon’s cell phone went off.

                “Hey don’t wait up, I gotta take this.”

                “Gotcha,” replied Jiho, already selecting his weapons and armor of choice for the upcoming battle. Slipping into the bedroom, Jihoon brought the phone up to his ear and spoke in a muted tone.

                “Taeil?”

                “Jihoon…”

                “Hey, what’s up?”

                “Ah, nothing really. I know this is gonna sound kind of stupid, but I just wanted to talk.”

                “What’s stupid about that? It’s good to hear you—“ Jihoon cut himself off almost immediately. Taeil noticed the abruptness of his tone and laughed softly.

                “I didn’t know you missed me that much.”

                “Whatever…”

                “Don’t be shy, I’m not judging you.” Taeil assured him, his smile evident even over the phone.

                “You could be.”

                “I swear!”

                “You’re laughing!”

                “You keep acting like that, I can’t help it.” A knowing smirk played across Jihoon’s lips.

                “Like what?” wondered Jihoon. Taeil’s end was silent for a few moments.

“No clue what you’re talking about, Jihoon,” replied Taeil, feigning ignorance.

                “You know what, Taeil?” Jihoon’s response was playfully aggressive.

                “Ooo, what’re you gonna do, huh?”

                “I’ll…”

                “You’ll?”

                “Isn’t it late? Don’t you need to go to bed?” Jihoon bit down on his lip to stifle the small chuckle that almost escaped him.

                “I see what you’re trying to do, you can’t fool me,” joked Taeil.

                “Aw, and here I am, thinking that I’d been doing a pretty good job.”

                “There’s a difference between being confident and cocky.”

                “And which do you prefer?”

                “ _Now_ it’s time for me to go to bed,” Taeil noted with an air of reluctance.

                “Alright, good night.”

                “Night.” Jihoon ended the call and leaned back against the bedroom door, eyes closed in thought. He was still admittedly nervous about meeting up, but now also, amazingly enough, hopeful.


	7. Seven

                _Just one more day… Should I cancel? I should. I’ll say that I’m, uh, sick! Yeah, sick. What else…_

It was barely daybreak that snowy December morning and yet Jihoon, clad in yellow cotton pajamas with small, cartoonish monkeys scattered across the fabric, let his nerves rouse him from the couch where he had been sleeping. He weaved around the furniture in the living room, not giving much thought to where he was headed. Absently, his feet lead him about as his mind filed through idea after idea on how he could conjure up the most obscure, yet convincing illness that could keep him from going anywhere the next day.

                In the midst of his “brainstorming”, Jiho emerged from his own room. His still sleep-laden eyes regarded his friend with a great deal of concern and worry.

                “What are you doing?” prodded a lost Jiho. Upon hearing the other man’s voice, Jihoon came to an immediate halt and slowly turned his head to the side.

                “Ah,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “I’m, uh, thinking.” Jiho raised an eyebrow.

                “About?” Jihoon’s face fell a bit, his cheeks reddening faintly.

                “Don’t laugh, please.”

                “Promise.”

                “I… I’m nervous about tomorrow.”

                “Why? Didn’t we talk about this last night?”

                “Well, yeah, but… I don’t know.” Jihoon let out a frustrated sigh and dropped down onto the couch.

                “Hey, hold on a sec, I’ll be right back.” After returning to his room to quickly slip into a white shirt, Jiho made his way back into the living room and took a seat next to Jihoon.

                “I know that I can tell you not to feel like this until I’m blue in the face, but in reality, you’re going to, and it’s normal. From what you’ve told me, it’s been a long time since you’ve both seen each other and that can be pretty nerve-wracking. It’s okay to feel scared. I know that I’m not the best at giving advice, but trust me on this, alright?” Jihoon moved his head up and down, the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile.

                “C’mon, let’s get out of here,” suggested Jiho, seemingly out of the blue.

                “And go where?” Jihoon wondered with a hint of interest.

                “Just somewhere, let’s just get you up and out. Go, go, get ready!”

                “What about you?” the blond-haired man protested as Jiho pushed him towards the bedroom.

                “Right behind you. Hurry up!”

X

 

                Jihoon couldn’t hide the excitement that had been growing in him ever since he and Jiho had arrived to one of his favorite shopping malls. Festive decorations were now hung up along the interior and _Jingle Bells_ echoed throughout on stereos in the ceiling. As they came to the entrance what was arguably Jihoon’s favorite stores, he happily strode in, picking up a pair of dark washed jeans.

                “Woah, I didn’t know there was even a new line out!” he marveled as he ran his fingers along the seams.

                “Aren’t you glad I took you out?” teased Jiho.

                “Shut up,” Jihoon shoved him away jokingly, then moved on to take a closer look at another pair of jeans.

                “Aren’t you gonna look around?” the younger man wondered while still glued to the clothes before him.

                 Shrugging with a noncommittal air, Jiho answered, “Nah, you go walk around, or whatever, I’m good.”

                “’Kay.”

                 The hour hand on Jiho’s wristwatch must have moved from one number to another at least two or three times as Jihoon essentially did a clean sweep through the store, trying on what appeared to Jiho as every single piece of clothing available. Whereas Jiho preferred to look and buy, Jihoon liked to actually see the clothes on him before deciding to purchase. His meticulous attention to detail eluded Jiho’s understanding, but he dressed himself well so Jiho had no complaints.

                Hoisting two large, full bags from the checkout counter, Jihoon motioned his head towards the doors when Jiho approached him.

                “I’m ready. Do you want to go anywhere else?” Jihoon asked.

                “Hm, not really, but I am hungry, let’s go to the food court.”

                “Oh, me too, now that you’ve mentioned it. I’m kinda craving pizza, honestly.”

                “On we go, then.” Taking one of the bags from his friend’s hand, Jiho began walking out and toward the busy food court, Jihoon close behind.

                “I found this hat for Taeil… I wonder if he’ll like it.”

                “I’m sure he will.”

                “You’re just saying that.” Jiho bumped his friend with his bag, scoffing.

                “I’m being serious, dork. You know he likes those things, and it’s coming from you so of course he’ll like it.”

                “You don’t think it’s too much for just meeting up? It’s not even Christmas.”

                “I don’t think so, at least not in my opinion. If anything, it could be a belated Christmas gift since you guys didn’t see each other then.” A look of uncertainty played across Jihoon’s face.

                “I didn’t get the rest of you guys anything for Christmas, though.”

                “Just give it to him! He’s gonna like it. He will.”

X

                _11:17 P.M._

**_Kakao Talk (1):_ **

_Jihoon-ah: Hi_

_Me: Hey. You’re still awake?_

_Jihoon-ah: Says the person who called me at one in the morning. Of course I am, haha._

_Me: Whatever. I found a place we could go to tomorrow._

_Jihoon-ah: Really? Where?_

_Me: It’s called Blue Sword. It’s a seafood place a few stops down the green line on the metro. The Kline Street stop, I think._

_Jihoon-ah: Oh, I know that stop._

_Me: I thought we could grab a spot at the bar. We’d have to get there early though, it fills up fast._

_Jihoon-ah: That’s alright. Is it close to the ball? I wanted to see it drop._

_Me: Not really, but I read somewhere that they’ll have it on the televisions… I hope that’s okay._

_Jihoon-ah: I don’t mind, haha. I just want to see it._

_Me: See you tomorrow, then._

_Jihoon-ah: See you._

              Taeil locked his phone’s screen and put it down beside him on his bed. Not much time was left now, and for a moment, he considered feigning a cold to confine him to his home and keep him from acting like a fool in front of Jihoon. Shaking his head vigorously as if he were trying to rid himself of the idea by force, Taeil resolved himself to count to 100, letting a few seconds pass between each number until he couldn’t fight sleep any longer.


End file.
